I Miss Her
by EquestrianCSI
Summary: Idea taken from Kill Ari, pt. 1 Abby and Tony talk about missing Kate. Rated T to be safe.


"**I Miss Her"**

DISCLAIMER: I own no part of NCIS, its characters, story lines or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction, and I only claim what I've written.

Tony DiNozzo walked into the NCIS' DNA lab, hoping Abby had come up with the make of the sniper round that had killed Kate the day before. Everyone was in shock; the squad room was uncharacteristically quiet, and Gibbs was acting funny. It freaked Tony out to see his boss acting nice, instead of his usual gruff, businesslike self. Tony was relieved to get away; Abby's lab would be a good, quiet refuge from the tension in the squad room.

"Hey, Abby, you okay?" Tony asked upon finding the lab tech giggling quietly to herself.

"I will be as soon as I put my ponytails up," she answered, and Tony nodded.

"Have you come up with anything on those sniper rounds I brought you?" he asked, and was surprised to see Abby go into a frenzy, rushing around the room turning on computer monitors and equipment, and telling him what she could do with the evidence he had left with her.

Her voice was high and excited, and Tony had a hard time understanding her because her words were coming nearly one on top of the other. Finally, she stopped.

"I can't tell you who makes them," she finished, and Tony stepped in front of her, rattling off the make of the bullet that had killed their friend and co-worker.

Abby stood a moment in silence before suddenly throwing her arms around Tony's shoulders; tears in her eyes.

"I miss her Tony," she whispered, and Tony wrapped his arm around Abby in an understanding hug.

"So do I," he said, and silently held Abby as she cried.

But dammit, he wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to let anybody, not even Abby, see how deeply the loss of Kate Todd affected him. The grief in his heart was so heavy that it was as if something was crushing his chest painfully, and he could barely breathe. He'd gone back to the crime scene, he and McGee, and carefully combed the area, looking for any shell casings that might help in the investigation. But the return to the scene of Kate's death had been almost more than he could bear; there was still blood on the roof where Kate had fallen, and Tony could still see her lying dead at his feet. He squeezed his eyes closed, unconsciously tightening his arms around Abby.

"You loved her didn't you, Tony?" Abby asked suddenly, startling him.

"She was a good friend and a good agent," he said, hoping that would satisfy the young lab tech.

Abby pulled away to look into Tony's face. Her makeup had long since been cried off, and her eyes were red and shining with tears.

"But you really loved her, didn't you?" She asked again, not letting Tony look away. "Nobody else might have noticed, but I could tell," she said, giving him a watery smile.

It was as if the lab tech could see right into Tony's soul, and knew exactly what he was feeling. His throat began to ache with his effort to keep his emotions in check, and he clamped his jaw together to keep his chin from quivering. Finally, he looked at Abby.

"I did," he whispered, before looking away. "I really did, but I never, ever told her." He swallowed painfully, trying to push the lump out of his throat.

"Why?" Abby asked innocently, her arms still linked loosely about Tony's neck. He shrugged, shaking his head.

"She'd probably have laughed at me," he said, adding, "or not believed me." A single tear rolled slowly down Tony's cheek, and Abby gently wiped it away.

"Do you think she knows, Tony?" she asked, and Tony frowned.

"Knows? Knows what?" he asked, and Abby rested her chin on his shoulder.

"How much we loved her," she explained, "she was a great friend to me, and I know you felt a lot for her; I could see it in your eyes."

Tony didn't care that he was crying now. He realized that Abby had known all along, and had seen how much he had loved Kate. It was a relief to be able to admit it to someone, to tell someone of his true feelings. He just wished to hell it was Kate he was holding instead.

"You're right," he choked, nodding his head in an exaggerated motion. "God, Abbs," he added, using Gibbs' nick-name for her, "I loved her so much that it scared me sometimes." Abby was sobbing, and Tony sat gently on the edge of her desk and began to rock her slowly back and forth.

"If there's one thing I've learned," Abby sniffled, "it's that you should always tell a person how much they mean to you." Tony was silent a moment before Abby pulled away, dabbing at her eyes with her hand.

"You're a good guy, Tony," she told him, tears streaking down her face, "You and Kate would have made a good pair." She sniffed, and added, "I'm glad I know you."

Tony smiled, his own cheeks wet with tears.

"Thanks, Abby." He said, and added, "I've told Kate a thousand times in the last twelve hours how much I love her. I hope she knows," he said, sighing heavily.

"I don't think she'd mind me telling you her secret." Abby said, and Tony frowned.

"What secret?" he asked, intrigued. Abby winked mysteriously.

"That she loved you," Abby said, and Tony grinned.

"I know," he said, and walked out of the lab.


End file.
